


I'll Do My Best To Justify

by DefaltManifesto



Series: 30 Day Song Lyric Challenge [24]
Category: Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Knuckle kisses, M/M, Post-Canon, Violent Thoughts, is that a thing it's a thing now okay sometimes you just gotta kiss a man's hands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 00:55:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13135764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DefaltManifesto/pseuds/DefaltManifesto
Summary: Cormag attempts to master the darkness in Duessel's family heirloom lance but soon learns he can't do it alone.





	I'll Do My Best To Justify

**Author's Note:**

> I don't think I got the vibe of today's song well. I decided to go with the interpretation of the lyric being hiding from yourself instead of hiding from other people. We'll see how you like it haha
> 
> Today's lyric is from Screen by BRAD: 
> 
> "And you'll never know how dark this screen could be/will you ever know just how dark this screen could be?"
> 
> I'm going to write a full length fic for this sometime soon btw. Title from the same song

Duessel’s family lance is like a virus. Cormag can feel it as soon as he enters the capital city of Grado. His chest tightens up and dark thoughts he’d been able to escape while helping rebuild towns out in the country return in full force. He knows Duessel trusts him with it. In the months since the war ended, he’s wondering if he’d been right to request ownership so he could tame the dark energy within and master it.

He slams the door to his small flat shut and leans back against it. The lance stands propped up against the far wall. Cormag glares at it but it does nothing for the negativity in his mind that sits like a stifling fog. For a moment, he wants to flee just to get away from it. But he can’t. His mind races, desperate to run but desperate to master the lance so he doesn’t have to deal with the feelings it inspires within him.

In the end, he grabs the lance and heads back out. Facing the darkness of it isn’t going to be something he can do on his own and he’s not going to let it keep ruining his home.

 

-.-

 

“Where did you get that?”

Seth’s face looks green as Cormag stores the lance back in the protective bag Duessel had given him to keep its dark energy at bay.

“Duessel,” Cormag says. He smirks. “Would you believe it’s a family heirloom?”

“And how did it come into your possession?” Seth asks.

Cormag flushes and hides it by turning to place the lance among his other belongings which sit in the corner of Seth’s room. “Duessel has no heirs and the rest of his family is dead. He’s entrusted it to me.”

“He must think highly of you.”

“Gods know why,” Cormag says. He turns back to Seth, expression back under control. “I need help mastering that energy.”

“Mastering it?” Seth asks. “Perhaps this is a task most suited for L’Arachel and the magics of Rausten…”

“They might be able to purge it,” Cormag says. “But that’s not what I’m looking to do. Duessel said it’s possible to tame the power in this lance and use it for good but only if the wielder can withstand its corrupting influence. To do that I need someone like you to help.”

Seth frowns. “Someone like me?”

“Someone who can cut me down if I lose my mind to it, but also someone who has a moral center stable enough to handle taking it from my hands,” Cormag says. “I’m asking a lot of you, especially given that you’re the General of Renais’ forces but I don’t know who else to turn to at this point.”

“Why not leave it in its bag?” Seth asks. “Let it collect dust.”

Cormag shakes his head. “I’ve been in its presence for months now, unshielded, trying to learn how to cope with it but it’s been useless. Letting something like this collect dust won’t help either, especially not in Grado where there’s plenty of dark mages around who haven’t learned the lesson of our Prince and still wish to dabble in forces beyond their control.”

“Alright,” Seth says. “I’ll request a short leave of absence. If we’re doing this, we’re doing it somewhere far away from Renais.”

 

-.-

 

The Tower of Valni is still tainted with the rot and decay of the dark god’s creatures. He and Seth clear the first floor and bar the doors for their home base. Cormag admits he’d made a smart move coming to Seth for help because the man was smart enough to pick a place that if Cormag did lose control, he’d have a tower full of enemies to combat before his bloodlust turned to those less deserving.

"So, at this point you haven’t tried to do anything other than hold it and live with it,” Seth says. “Let’s try some meditation with you holding it in your lap.”

Cormag nods. Meditation has never been his strong suit, but it makes sense as a first tactic. They sit on the marble floor across from each other and Cormag pulls the lance out of its bag before holding it braced across his lap. The darkness thrums through him, an energy he’s already painfully used to. It almost makes it worth all the months of living with it to be able to hold it without flinching.

He focuses on his breathing and calms his heart and mind as he does. At first, he doesn’t notice the change. His mind focuses on Seth’s breathing, syncing them up, and his mind empties of thoughts and fills up with something else instead. At first, it’s just the occasional thought. His brother…Valter…their fight with the desert sand and air stinging his skin. The memories rush in faster and faster, and then they’re not memories at all but _fantasies_ , dreams of giving Valter the death he deserved.

Slow. Painful. Horrors Cormag would never dream of enacting on another person.

Seth’s breathing changes and Cormag’s thoughts with it. It’s not Valter he’s torturing but Seth and he _delights_ in it, revels in the way he tries to stay silent and then breaks under Cormag’s hands.

“-mag look at me. Cormag!”

Cormag’s body jolts to a halt, mind jumbled as it tries to catch up with how he’d moved clear across the room and backed Seth into a corner, lance pressed up to his chest. The lance clatters to the ground as he jerks away and stumbles, horrified.

“Easy,” Seth says, kneeling beside him as he sits. “You came out of it. Let’s stay away from the meditating, shall we?”

“Perhaps…” Cormag says. “I just…all I could think about was how Valter’s death was too slow and what I really wanted to do to him and then it was you I was doing it too and…fuck…”

“Hm…”

Cormag looks at Seth, frowning. “What?”

"Perhaps the key to mastering the lance is mastering yourself,” Seth says. “Master your own darkness and then you can master it. If it has nothing to draw on, it can’t consume you.”

“So I let go of my anger towards the man who killed my brother?” Cormag asks.

“He’s dead, Cormag,” Seth says, hand gripping the back of Cormag’s neck and making their eyes meet. “You killed him already. Why are you letting him still hold sway over your life?”

"I…”

It hits him hard. Seth’s right. He got his revenge and it didn’t do anything to bring Glen back and it certainly didn’t satisfy him. There was nothing else to do. It wasn’t as if he could bring Valter back to life and kill him again in a way that would make him feel better because nothing would truly make him feel better about losing Glen.

“Oh Cormag…”

Cormag swipes at his eyes, not aware he was crying until Seth drew attention to it. “I didn’t know that I was still upset.”

“Let’s go home,” Seth says. “I think there’s something important you need to grapple with before you worry about that damned lance.”

“It’s been months and I haven’t dealt with it,” Cormag says, pressing the heels of his palms to his eyes. “What’s going to change?”

Seth grabs his hands and pulls them close. Cormag watches, heart pounding, as Seth kisses the tops of his knuckles and then meets his eyes with the unflinching strength that had drawn Cormag to him in the first place.

“You have me, Cormag,” Seth says. “You may have rejected my offer to serve in Renais, but you are still someone I hold dear and I won’t let you struggle to meet any of your goals alone. And I won’t let you grieve alone either. I did too much of that myself.”

Cormag sighs and leans into his weight, fingers curling around Seth’s hands. He’s been alone for so long since he returned home, he’d forgotten what it’d been like to depend on others even though a year hadn’t even passed since the war. He’d forgotten he still had people who cared for him, not just fellow soldiers. “Thank you…”

           


End file.
